Playing "What If?"

I often daydream about the life I never had, the life I should have had, as a young woman, as a girl who knew she was a girl from the moment she even perceived gender in any way. But I realize that it’s fantasy, that my life would not have been magically delicious if I’d figured this shit out sooner; that I would’ve been a young woman, yes, and that I would also have had all the same joys and successes that any young woman can have; but that I would also have made many of a young woman’s mistakes, and suffered many of the abuses that young women suffer.

I’m incredibly lucky to have realized my dysphoria when and where I did, at the age that I was (that I still am). I have a patience and perspective that I could never have had if I’d realized when I was 8, for example.

I’m not at all suggesting that it’s better to start transitioning later, just that there will always be difficulties, and there will always be things that are easier, whenever we are talking about multiple periods within a lifespan. You are responsible for your own happiness. You can focus on what the world owes you, what you know you deserve, but will never be given, or you can focus on what’s good, or maybe even better, about the way things actually are.

I’ve discovered that the more I allow myself to feel grateful for the positive aspects of my transition, the more positive aspects I realize there even are.