My electrologist and my esthetician are both cis women, and they will answer some of my questions and concerns with phrases like “women have that problem, too.”
I know that they mean “women who were assigned or designated female at birth, sometimes expressed as ‘AFAB’ or ‘DFAB,’ have the same problem that you, a woman who was assigned or designated male at birth, or ‘AMAB’ or ‘DMAB,’ are asking me about.” Getting upset with them for not having the vocabulary that they, in their own lives and social strata, do not have any real reason to have or understand, is pointless.
At best, I would upset them and make them feel shitty for having not known something that they had no real reason to know. At worst, I would perpetuate a stereotype of the embittered trans woman who hates the world because she thinks the world hates her.
So I get over it. I know what they meant, and they know what they meant, and taking offense because someone told me I’m supposed to is a waste of everyone’s time.
If I hear from either of them (or anyone else from whom I receive trans-related services, or commonly feminine services like waxing) that they have so many new trans clients, I might bring up some vocabulary to educate them, and empower them to feel more capable of connecting with their clients as people. But, until then…
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